


Breaking Bonds

by Icse



Series: Obikin Week 2017 - Icse [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Confessions, M/M, Mistakes, Obikin Week 2017, Regret, Second Chances, obikinweek2017
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-03 14:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11534451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icse/pseuds/Icse
Summary: Written for obikinweek2017 for the first three days: Mistake/Regret, Second Chances, and Confession.Still, he’d agreed. Now he regretted it. He wished he’d fought against it. Wished he had refused. Wished he’d taken Anakin and run. Anything other than what had happened.





	1. Regretting a Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> I originally had something else completely different written for this and realized it wasn't what I wanted it to be. So instead, here's one of my random WIPs that I've adapted to fill the first three days of Obikin Week 2017.
> 
> Not beta'd, sorry for any mistakes!

“Anakin, I can’t keep doing this anymore.”

Anakin’s head snapped up from where he’d been angrily trying to fix one of the many projects he left scattered over their quarters. The angry retort he’d had stopped in his throat as soon as his eyes met Obi-Wan’s sad blue-gray eyes. Now panic rose, heart beating loudly in his chest and ears as he quickly groped for their bond to feel for his Master. Instead of the usual gentle hum of calm feelings, he met a hard wall, nothing leaking from behind the shield that had been erected around Obi-Wan’s mind.

“Ma-Master?” He’d never been kept from Obi-Wan’s presence like this, there’d always been some sort of affection or reassurance, even when they’d had to shield from each other. When none came, he dropped the machine he’d been tinkering with and stumbled towards his Master, legs struggling to work against the rising tide of emotions threatening to wash over him. 

Obi-Wan smiled sadly and shook his head, “You rely on me too much, you’re too attached and I’ve let it go on long enough. It’s time for you to stand on your own and be the Jedi I know you will be.”

“No! I’m not strong enough without you, Master. You can’t leave me!” Anakin grabbed Obi-Wan’s arm, pleading with him. “Please, Obi-Wan! I can’t do this without you! Not you too, please!” When his Master gently pried his fingers from his arm, it felt like the ground gave way beneath his feet. He sank to the floor as his Master walked out of their quarters without so much as a backwards look and the door slid shut behind him. Belatedly he realized that none of his Mast-no, Obi-Wan’s, belongings had been in his room when he’d returned from another Council reprimand.

Minutes turned to hours as he was lost in his mind and the force, moving from sorrow to anger, fear clawing at the shields keeping him from Obi-Wan’s presence. His attempts only grew more desperate as he felt something pull the threads of the bond, ripping each lovingly reinforced seam as if it was nothing. Tears streamed down his face, but he was unaware of them, unaware of anything other than the gaping hole of nothing when the bond finally severed. 

When he finally returned to the here and now, he was no longer in the quarters he’d called home with Obi-Wan for nearly the past fifteen years. Instead, he was laying in a soft bed in one of the private rooms in the Halls of Healing. His head was screaming in agonizing pain and he reached for Obi-Wan in their bond to make sure he was okay. When he encountered only the tattered ends, it all came rushing back to him along with the heavy darkness of despair and depression. It must’ve leaked into the force around him as he heard the door glide open and footsteps near the bed.

“Knight Skywalker?” The voice of Master Che was hesitant and timid, so much different than her usual calm and almost demanding tone. Her hand was gentle as it wiped away a tear rolling down his face. “Anakin?”

He didn’t answer, didn’t move, didn’t even feel like he was really in his body, trying to convince himself that this was all a dream. That his mother hadn’t died. That Ahsoka hadn’t left him. That Padme hadn’t left him after being unable to cope with his turmoil after Ahsoka had left him. That Obi-Wan hadn’t given up and left him, severing the connection that had been his only constant lifeline of sanity for fifteen years. He tried to tell himself that it was just a dream, one of the many nightmares that had plagued him over the years. Tried to tell himself it wasn’t real because Obi-Wan would never leave him, never sever their bond that he held so dear. 

Thoughts turning dark, rage started to boil up within him, churning with the grief and darkness to fill every part of him. Obi-Wan would never sever their bond willingly. He’d lied about it and fought the Council about it until he’d been red in the face, citing how efficient it made him and Anakin as a team, how much better Jedi they were because of it. One thought went on repeat, ‘The Council made him do it.’ That was it, Obi-Wan had been forced because Obi-Wan was the one person who would always be there, be on his side.

Anakin wouldn’t let that happen, wouldn’t let them take Obi-Wan away from him. The dark side began pooling within him, a giant krayt dragon unfurling its wings within him and roaring its anger and pain. All his doubts, his pain, his fears fed into the beast’s unrelenting hunger leaving only the rage behind.

When he finally looked at Healer Che, he saw her sympathy and pity for him and it only served to make him angrier. “Don’t look at me like that! You helped them take him away from me! They made him do it! You let them do it!”

“Knight Skywalker, please calm yourself. The loss of a bond, especially one as deep rooted as yours, is traumatic. You’re experience these delusions from the trauma while your mind is trying to cope.” She was calm, projecting calm and quiet at him through the force with the suggestion of sleep. 

Struggling against the suggestion, distracted by his fury of her daring to try, he didn’t notice the hypospray until it had already been depressed against his neck. Still, he fought, using his anger to try and burn the drug from his system before it could take ahold of him. A second depression of the hypospray broke the stalemate and he quickly felt the darkness pulling him under, encouraged by another force suggestion to sleep. 

 

 

Not for the first time, Obi-Wan wondered if they had made a mistake. He’d agreed to the Council’s decision to sever their bond, but now he wondered if it had been the right thing to do. After Ahsoka, after the Hardeen incident, after so much in his short life, had it really been fair to put Anakin through this too? 

They were in a war, leading battalions to battle, losing men daily, things the Jedi weren’t really equipped to mentally handle. Was it really any wonder that Anakin had formed such an attachment to him? Several times it had saved their lives, had saved his own life. The Code, the traditions, they weren’t meant for times like these. 

Still, he’d agreed. Now he regretted it. He wished he’d fought against it. Wished he had refused. Wished he’d taken Anakin and run. Anything other than what had happened. 

He’d known Anakin wouldn’t take it well. Intimately knew the insecurities he faced. The abandonment issues that had only gotten worse with time. He knew how much Anakin struggled with balance, knew Anakin relied on him to keep him in check.

Yet, here they were. A week that felt like a lifetime. Obi-Wan still fighting off the remainder of the migraine caused by the psychic backlash even after being heavily shielded. Anakin being kept unconscious in isolation while the Council debated on his fate after his Fall.

It was his fault, he’d failed Anakin. He’d  _ known _ , he  _ knew _ what Anakin felt for him. Knew just how deep it ran. Had known he felt the same way even if he’d never said the words aloud. He could’ve prevented Anakin falling if he had just said them. 

That’s why he’d agreed. He’d been a coward to his own feelings, refused to acknowledge them. Tried and failed to release them into the Force. 

For the first time since Qui-Gon died, he didn’t try to release it all to the Force. He deserved every bit of guilt he felt. It was his fault. His regret. His mistake.


	2. Losing Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obikinweek Day 2: Second Chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I'm writing as I'm going, but I promise Ch. 3 will be up today or tomorrow.

This time, when he woke he was no longer in the Hall of Healing, he actually didn’t know where he was, the room as bare as a cell but the walls a glaring white and covered with padding. It was much too bright for him, the sharp ache between his eyes and throbbing temple making him feel nauseous. He reached out with the force to help ease the pain only to find that he was unable to touch it. Now he felt the force suppressing collar around his neck and the panic only fueled his confusion. Last he remembered he’d-, the pain grew into agony the more he tried to remember. His mind was blank about the last place he’d been. 

“Anakin, calm down, you’re just hurting yourself.” Master Luminara was there, pressing a cool hand to his forehead and helping to ease some of the pain while soothing the worst of the panic. 

“Where? What?” He croaked, now able to feel just how parched and scratchy his throat was. 

“You’re at the Temple, Skywalker, in one of the holding rooms in the Mind Healer’s ward. You experienced some mental trauma and memory loss when you returned from your latest mission. When we tried to help, you were delirious and incoherent. You kept trying to attack us so we were forced to bring you here and break your connection with the force.”

He vaguely remembered the anger and fear swelling within him, trying to lash out at something, but the memory was fuzzy and incomplete. At least he’d made it back from wherever he’d been, it wasn’t too surprising that he didn’t remember. After Ahsoka had left the Order, he’d thrown himself into mission after mission to keep his mind occupied. They’d all started to blur together even before whatever had happened, happened. 

“Water?” Having anticipated his request, she helped him sit up before bringing the straw to his lips. The water felt soothing on his throat and helped rid the gross feeling in his mouth that came with being asleep for too long. He drank the entire glass before pulling away. “Can you take the collar off now?”

Master Luminara frowned and shook her head, “We’d prefer you keep it a few days to let your mind heal before we take it off. The trauma was rather severe and we need to perform some healing before you’re ready to cope with access to the force again.” She smiled sadly at him.

“There’s something you aren’t telling me, Luminara.” Even without the force, he could feel that she was leaving something out. 

“They didn’t want me to tell you this so soon, but I feel not telling you will do more harm than good.” She sighed, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder before continuing, “Whatever happened to you, it severed your bond with Obi-Wan.”

Shock reeled through him, a memory of frayed ends and a gaping nothing flooding back to him with more pain. He winced, rubbing his temples in an attempt to ward off the phantom pain. “I… remember. Sort of, at least of the bond snapping. It hurt. Is Obi-Wan ok?” Whatever pain he’d felt, he knew his former Master would’ve felt as well.

“Master Kenobi is fine. He had a bad headache and he was dazed, but he was at the Temple and we were able to stave the worst of it off. A few days rest and he was fine.” She brushed the bangs from his forehead and he felt the soothing touch of healing in his head again.

“Can you have him come by?” He felt like he needed to apologize for something, though what exactly was apparently part of the memory loss. 

“I’m sorry, Anakin, but with your bond being severed after so long, it was decided that you two should be kept separate just in case the bond tries to re-form on its own. Your mind can’t handle that right now and you’re no longer his Padawan so it’s not needed anyway. It’s why we’re keeping you here, the room, too, is shielded. Now get some sleep, someone will be by to check on you later.”

Exhaustion blanketed him, the effort of just the simple conversation having drained him of any remaining energy. He let himself drift back into the comfort of sleep.

  
  


The observation room was silent, each seemingly holding their breath as they watched Anakin drift back into sleep. Relief was evident on most of their faces as was exhaustion. Luminara joined them after performing a final check of Anakin’s vitals.

“Does it seem to be holding, Master Luminara?” Mace was the first to break the silence.

Luminara sighed, “For now, but he’s as cut off from the Force as possible right now. The real test will be when we start to reintroduce the connection. This is a good start compared to the others, though. And there’s still the other question of how much memory we’ve blocked, but the only one, other than Skywalker, who could really be a judge of that would be Obi-Wan.”

“Fragile, Skywalker’s balance is still. Centered around Obi-Wan, much of his balance is.” Yoda shook his head, “Allow them together, in a few days we could. A good test of the mind block, it will be.”

“And if it fails again?.” Plo asked.

Mace stroked his chin in thought, “We’ll do what we must.”

  
  


The Temple had always been a place of peace and relaxation for Obi-Wan. He’d never been able to understand Anakin’s claims of it being a stifling place until now. Everywhere he went there seemed to be someone or some issue needing his attention. While he was grounded from the front lines, the Council was keeping him busy with teaching youngling classes and performing official Council business that ‘only he could do.’ He knew what they were trying to do, but it was only helping so much. 

At least no one bothered him in his new quarters, not that he was there for more than sleeping purposes. All those years he spent complaining about Anakin interrupting his sleep with his snoring or midnight tinkering or eating, he wish he could take them back. It was too quiet, too clean, both in the quarters and in his head. Especially in his head.

Obi-Wan sighed and stirred his tea, trying not to let this cup grow cold like the last two had. It had been weeks since their bo-,  _ it _ , happened and he no longer suffered from migraines. He’d still not been allowed to see Anakin after the first time. 

_ The Council made him sit out on any discussions of what would be Anakin’s fate. He only knew of their plan once they informed him of their decision.  _

_ Anakin’s fall had been confirmed by four different Jedi Masters, the dark side curled around him like a dog waiting his master’s orders. He stared them down with hate-filled yellow eyes and screamed at them that it was all their fault. That they had taken Obi-Wan away from him. _

_ When Obi-Wan had went to visit, Master Plo had pulled him aside and tried to give him warning of what to expect. Even the warning didn’t prepare him for what he saw. _

_ The room had been stripped of everything except the bed and bolted down table. There were sizeable dents in the durasteel walls where things had made hard impacts, more than likely with the Force. Anakin was bound to the bed with Force-proof cuffs. His eyes were closed, but quickly opened when Obi-Wan took a few steps in the room.  _

_ “Ma-Master?” Anakin looked so hopeful that Obi-Wan’s heart clenched. The yellow seemed to fade from his eyes, but it could easily his mind playing tricks on him. _

_ All he wanted to do was run his fingers through dirty blonde curls, to hold him tight like he had when he was younger, but he knew he had to resist. He’d been sent here for a purpose, “Yes, Anakin.” _

_ Tears started to flow, “Why did you let them, Master? Why don’t you want me anymore?” _

_ Every ounce of discipline and willpower he had went into keep his Jedi Master facade up and to keep his voice steady. He was grateful for the room’s shielding as he knew his were faltering under the onslaught of his own emotions. “Anakin, you haven’t been my Padawan for five years. We were supposed to have done this years ago. I thought that it might fade on its own, many training bonds do, but you relied heavily on it.” He patted Anakin’s bound hand awkwardly, “Attachment is not the Jedi way and you weren’t able to let me go as you proved over the last few missions. It is past time for us part and go our separate ways.” _

_ Fury battered Obi-Wan’s pitiful shields, fury and hate. He knew the feel and taste of Anakin’s emotions, knew just how powerful he could be, but the pain of a bond starting to forcibly reform drove him to his knees, unable to do anything about it. “Anakin, control yourself, please!” _

_ “I HATE YOU!” The cuffs around Anakin’s wrists sparked and fizzled out. Lights overhead began to flicker and the table groaned as it shuddered under the uncontrolled fury. _

_ Belatedly, Obi-Wan realized that someone was shouting his name or shouting for help. He wasn’t quite sure, the pain in his head overwhelming his senses until it all turned black. _

The Council had forbid him access to Anakin after that episode, but the damage had been done. Anakin was considered too dangerous, too powerful to keep contained so the Council had made the decision to block and erase his memories around his attachments. He was needed for the war effort, they couldn’t afford to lose him, so this was their best solution. They would perform the mind block and forcibly drain the darkside energies from his body and aura.

Except the first one didn’t take. He’d nearly brought down the entire Healing Wing in his fit of rage when he broke down the mind block. The second one was much the same although it took hours instead of minutes. The third had seemed to hold until they had slowly allowed him access to the Force. Now they were on their fourth attempt, more than had been done on a person in over a millenia. It was a testament to Anakin’s mental fortitude that there was still some of him left. 

Still, the reports from Master Luminara were promising. They’d made cover memories this time to explain the loss of bond and the distance between him and Obi-Wan. Master Yoda had pulled some of Obi-Wan’s own memories to help form the new ones and to make them familiar.

A part of him still whispered that it was his fault any of this had happened. He’d not been a good enough Master to Anakin, he’d not taught him the lessons he needed to learn, that he had  _ encouraged _ the attachment because of his own feelings-

He cut off the rest of that line of thinking, it wouldn’t solve any of the issues at hand. 

If this mind block didn’t take, Master Plo had informed him that Anakin would either be forced through another round of the mind block or sent to the Citadel. The Council hadn’t been able to make a decision one way or the other, the vote split evenly in half since Obi-Wan wasn’t allowed to vote. Either of the choices were a death sentence for Anakin. He’d be killed if he was sent to the Citadel considering he the majority of the residents there. If they tried a mind block again, he’d more than likely end up a hollow shell of who he was. 

The beep of his comm startled Obi-Wan out of his thoughts, “Kenobi.” He didn’t bother to switch on the holo function, more than likely it was just another Council member with yet another task for him to perform.

“Good evening, Master Kenobi. I do hope I’m not disturbing you.”

The sound of Padme Amidala’s voice brought a brief smile to his face, “Not at all, Senator. It’s always a pleasure to hear from you. Is there something I can do for you?”

A brief hesitation in her response and he knew what she was calling about before she even responded, “I haven’t heard from Anakin in a few weeks since I saw the both of you after the Senate session. We were supposed to have dinner together one night while he was still planetside, but he hasn’t returned any of my comms. Was he redeployed?”

There was no way he could tell her exactly what had happened or Anakin’s current status. Which presented another issue, he had known they were involved for years and overlooked it as them simply finding comfort with each other. What he hadn’t known was exactly how involved they were. Their secret marriage had come to light when the Council had broken through Anakin’s tight shields and sifted through his memories.

Still, she was owed at least somewhat of an explanation, especially since Anakin would no longer remember their marriage or love. At least give her the opportunity to grieve and move on.

“Are you free right now? This isn’t a conversation I would like to have over the comm.” He might as well get it over with now.

“Yes, I’m at my apartment if you would like to come over. I’ll have Threepio prepare some tea for you.” It was a testament to her ability as a politician that she didn’t sound affected by his response.

“Thank you, I will be there shortly.”

 

All in all, his meeting with the Senator had went better than had expected. Obi-Wan had given her the vague cover story the Council had made up about his absence. He broke the news about Anakin’s memory loss from an attack while on mission in the lower levels as gently as he could. He assured her that Anakin was healing and with the best Mind Healers the Jedi had, but that the loss was permanent. 

Padme had looked pained, but relieved and thanked him. It was then that he carefully explained that the Order knew about their marriage and that they would help her have it annulled quietly. He tried to be compassionate as he told her she could no longer contact Anakin and to treat this opportunity as a second chance. She had broken down at that point, crying and confessing that their relationship had been failing anyway with all the secrets.

It was her next words that had made him shatter too.

_ “He always loved you more than me, Obi-Wan. He loved the idea of me, and to some extent, he did love me, but it was as someone to protect and shelter. He always held back with me, scared to hurt me. You, he loves with everything, as equals. I was so jealous of you that I pushed the marriage in an effort to make him choose between you and me. It’s always been you, it always will be you. Just as it has always been him for you. Take this as your second chance, Obi-Wan, and don’t let him go.” _

Everything clicked into place then. The strength of their bond, their ability to seamlessly fit together, their perfect balance together. Anakin wasn’t just his best friend, brother, and former padawan. Anakin was the other half to his soul and he’d willingly let them be ripped in half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on Tumblr at [IcseK](http://IcseK.tumblr.com)


	3. Forfeiting a Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of continuation on the second chance theme from Day 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very sorry for the delay, that whole pesky RL thing got in the way as I spent a good bit of time on jobsites.
> 
> I've had to add another chapter to this as it's gotten slightly out of control in my initial length guesstimate. 
> 
> The rest of my obikinweek fics should be posted this week.

Time was hard to keep track of without the Force, a chrono, a window, or a night cycle for the lights. Distantly, Anakin recognized that he was under constant surveillance, though he wasn’t quite sure why. Other than the migraines that continued to plague him, he was healthy and whole.

Visitors were few and far between, mostly Master Che or Master Luminara, though Yoda had paid him a visit a few times. When he asked about a comm unit or datapad, he’d been denied both under the order of not straining his head too much. At least the suppression collar had been removed, giving him some limited access to the Force. 

Boredom had been a nemesis of his since he’d been a small boy on Tatooine and had only gotten worse as he grew older. Even when on leave, he kept himself busy with any number of little projects. There was something else he usually did when he was on planet too, but he couldn’t remember and forcing it caused migraines. He really must’ve hit his head and suffered some serious psychic backlash for there to be this many holes.

Loneliness was starting to get to him now too. He’d not been this alone in… Ever. On Tatooine he was always with someone. Once he became a padawan, Obi-Wan’s presence was always there in the background. As a Knight and General, he was always surrounded by a number of clones or personnel if he wasn’t with Obi-Wan or Ahsoka.

A pang of hurt rang through him, echoing through the void. Ahsoka. Master Luminara had told him what happened before, one of the things he’d forgotten. Anakin wasn’t sure what he had felt when it actually happened or what the specific events leading up to it were, but now he felt a sense of sorrowful pride for her. He was sad that she had decided to leave, yet proud that she had done what she felt to be the right path for her, even if it wasn’t the path he would’ve chosen. If anyone understood the struggle of wanting to stay because of duty and leave because of heart… 

Fingers pressed against his temples as a wave of agony filled his head. He’d never wanted to leave the Order. He was happy as a Jedi. He wanted nothing more than to eventually have a seat on the Council and retire from the field to teach youngling classes. His thoughts were so confusing, his, but not his, there, but not there.

He took a deep breath and held it, working through one of the first meditation exercises Obi-Wan had taught him as a padawan. Slowly, the pain receded and his thoughts untangled as he sunk deeper into the Force. He let himself drift with the gentle current surrounding him, wrapping its tranquility around him like a cloak. 

  
  


Seeing Anakin looking truly at peace in meditation took Obi-Wan's breath away. Gone were the stress lines that had started to mar his young face in the past few years. Gone was the heavy weight that had been set on his shoulders far too early. He was beautiful, everything Obi-Wan believed he would be if he found that inner peace. 

Originally, he’d come with the intention of confessing his feelings and attachm-,  _ love _ , for the man, but now he second guessed his decision. Maybe the Council had been right about Anakin. Stripped of his attachments he would no longer be pulled between duty and his devotion, free to be a Jedi in truth. Without grasping for balance from someone else, he’d be forced to find it within himself. 

Obi-Wan had already fucked it up one time, nearly costing Anakin his life. Would he really risk his life or sanity again over some feelings?

When Anakin slowly returned to the present from his meditation and smiled so freely as his eyes met Obi-Wan’s, he knew he couldn’t. This was Anakin’s second chance far more than his own, his chance to be the Jedi he always wanted to be, but struggled to achieve. 

“Master! I’ve been worried about you. They said you were fine, but then they’ve been keeping me here so I feared the worst.” Anakin’s rambling had always been endearing, but now he saw it in an entirely different light.

“I’m quite all right, Anakin. How are you feeling? We were all rather worried about you.” He smiled and laid a hand on Anakin’s shoulder, ignoring the feelings that coursed through him at the touch.

Anakin huffed in annoyance, “Other than being utterly bored and isolated, I’m fine. The migraines only come if I try to push for missing memories too hard. Do you think they’ll let me go soon? Master Luminara is being very tight-lipped, even more than Master Che.”

Chuckling, Obi-Wan felt relieved that this mind block was holding successfully. “You know the healer types, Anakin. And neither of us have a very stellar reputation when it comes to staying put in medbay when given the option.” Those blue eyes held warmth and an openness he’d not seen since Anakin had been young. It had been his worst fear to come back in only to see those hideous yellow eyes boring into him.

“I distinctly remember that reputation coming from you, I have always been an impeccable patient.” The pouting expression on Anakin’s face didn’t quite match the twinkle of humor in his eyes.

Oh how good it felt to be teasing and joking so openly with him again. He’d missed this without even realizing it had ever left. “You aren’t going to win this one, Anakin. The Mind Healers can confirm that your memory is faulty. It’s always me who’s been the stellar patient.” 

The door slid open behind them, Master Che stepping into the room. “The only thing I will confirm is that the both of you are terrible patients. It’s something that seems to be common in your lineage.” She looked at Obi-Wan giving a subtle nod of her head, “Now Obi-Wan is going to escort you to the gardens for some fresh air. No more than half an hour and if either of your heads start to hurt, return immediately.”

Anakin scrambled to his feet, his excitement and joy radiating off him in waves, “Freedom! Come on, Master!” He nearly bolted out of the door, prancing lightly on his bare feet in his enthusiasm.

Master Che fixed Obi-Wan with a knowing stare and grabbed him by his arm, “You know him the best, Master Kenobi. His Force senses are still dulled down, but it’s always up in the air with him. If he shows signs of anything, bring him right back here. Otherwise he could bring the entire Temple down if he wanted to.” A hypospray was discretely pressed into his hand which he promptly hid in his robes.

Nodding, Obi-Wan offered her a brief smile, “Of course, Master Che. There are several Masters staged along our route to the gardens just in case. I assure you, we’ll be quite alright.” 

Anakin’s whining in the hall made him hurry out after him, “It’s not a race, Anakin,” he teased gently.

“You don’t understand, Obi-Wan. There’s absolutely nothing to do and they haven’t allowed me access to a comm unit or datapad. I’ve taken to meditating if only to pass the time quicker.” Anakin could still be such a child, even as a young man of twenty-four.

“I was rather impressed by your sudden proficiency with meditation, Force knows I’ve tried to teach it to you. But I’ll drop by some of your projects and your toolkit later today if they’ll let me.” The blinding smile he received in return affirmed his decision to let this be Anakin’s second chance.

  
  


Obi-Wan’s daily visits continued, much to Anakin’s delight. In his continued isolation, it was the only thing he had to look forward to each day. Usually, they would stay in his room and meditate together or work through their forms together. Sometimes, like the first day, they would go for a stroll around the Temple. He’d forgotten just how nice it was to spend time with his former Master without the pressure of missions, battles, or exhaustion. 

Within a few days of Obi-Wan’s first visit, the suppression shields had been lowered on his room and the Force sang around him once again. He’d celebrated the complete return by using only the Force to put together one of the little droid projects Obi-Wan had dropped off. It was like being able to take a full breath again after drowning and reveled in it.

Today, Master Luminara had joined Obi-Wan in his visit and they had walked the Temple together in a relative, peaceful silence. When they had arrived to one of the atrium gardens, Anakin had promptly kicked off his shoes and dug his toes into the grass and dirt before flopping down and sighing in contentment.

A chuckle made him look up to where Obi-Wan was smiling at him fondly, “Already tired of walking, Anakin?”

“I miss the grass and the dirt of the gardens. It’s so alive with the living Force, I had taken it for granted when I was able to come and go as I pleased.” He sat up, brushing his fingers over the soft blades of grass.

Master Luminara gave him one of her half smiles, “Then you’ll be pleased to know that you’ve been released from the healers today,” she stopped him with a mildly scolding look as he opened his mouth, “on a few conditions. One, you’ve been released for duty into Obi-Wan’s care. You go nowhere without him, including around the Temple. Two, you will report to either myself or Master Che daily for routine checks.”

Anakin smiled teasingly at Obi-Wan, “Sounds like my first year as a padawan all over again.”

Rolling his eyes, Obi-Wan sighed, “I’m beginning to think I’m being punished for training you.”

“Awwwwe, Master, don’t be like that. You’re being rewarded by getting to be in my glorious presence all the time again.” He teased, feeling light-hearted and excited. 

“Skywalker, please take this seriously. As far as we can tell you’re healed, but with the mind it’s never a sure fact. If you start to feel off or the migraines return, you need to tell one of us immediately.” She fixed him with a stern gaze, “If you don’t and another episode happens, you’ll be pulled from duty and grounded again.”

He had enough practice acting chastised and appropriately sorry from his teenage years to pull it off without a hitch, “Yes, Master Luminara.”

She bowed politely, a gesture Obi-Wan returned in full and he with a nod of his head. As soon as she left his sight, Anakin burst out in laughter and rolled in the grass. Finally, he was free, mostly. Though he never found his Master’s presence much of a burden. There were certainly much worse people to be around.

“Are you alright, Anakin?” Obi-Wan was looking at him slightly concerned. 

Anakin grinned, “More than alright, Master. Far more than alright.”


	4. Enduring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I hit a bad case of writer's block last week that wasn't letting me get anything done on any of my existing works.
> 
> This week seems to be better, and once again I've had to add a chapter or more to this story. It was supposed to just be three chapters but sometimes the story writes itself. I'm hoping it's just one more chapter, but I make no promises!

A month later saw them back to the front lines with the combined might of the 501st and 212th. During that time, Obi-Wan catalogued all the minor differences he noticed in Anakin’s behavior. The most noticeable was his sleep quality, gone was the tossing and turning through the night with recurring nightmares. Instead, he slept quietly and peacefully, his Force presence a steady lull of calm. 

Other little things stood out to him, Anakin joining Obi-Wan in meditation and actually sitting still through it, the increased frequency in his real smiles, and his increased patience with the Council. Anakin was more detached from his feelings, he deferred to other’s judgement, he didn’t spar with his teeth bared and the dogged determination to win every time, he no longer argued endlessly about the outdatedness of the Code.

It was everything Obi-Wan had ever wanted for him. Everything he knew Anakin could be as a Jedi. And yet, it wasn’t Anakin.

If any of the clones noticed a difference, he couldn’t tell. Admiral Yularen had only given a few odd stares when Anakin had asked for his advice in several battle plans, but never said a work about it to Obi-Wan. Not even Captain Rex had made a comment when Anakin didn’t insist on leading Gold Squadron himself during a skirmish with the Separatists.

Maybe it was only in Obi-Wan’s mind, these differences. Maybe it was Obi-Wan’s attachment to Anakin that made him miss the deep burning flame of passion that had drove Anakin before. Or, most likely, it was Obi-Wan still grieving for forfeited second chance.

  
  


Their first engagement in the field was difficult. Anakin had known that his bond with Obi-Wan was what had made them work so seamlessly together, but he didn’t realize just how much he’d relied on it. Instead of their normal perfect synchronization, they were one beat behind each other or one beat ahead. Even dropping their mental shields and broadcasting their thoughts to one another wasn’t enough. 

The entire time, Anakin felt restless and unnerved. Each slash of his lightsaber had him wishing for Obi-Wan’s presence in his mind to reassure him like he had as a padawan. It distracted him, nagged him, until he was no longer able to focus on the battle and had to rely on unconscious movement directed by the Force. Every time he tried to focus on the present once more, the ache in his head started again and blurred his vision. He knew he should be withdrawing and retreating back behind their lines, but they needed the press forward that, currently, only he could provide. The battle started to pass in a blur, no longer truly aware of his surroundings or that he was slowly drifting further and further behind enemy lines.

He felt the flash of warning a moment too late to react. One minute he had been slicing through another super battle droid, the next, his lightsaber was knocked from his hand and he was flying through the air. The impact into wall knocked the breath from his chest and left him stunned as Count Dooku advanced. Anakin was unable to do anything other than brace for the inevitable downswing of the red lightsaber. 

It never came.

He was confused for a moment before the stun bolt caught him in the chest. Anakin fought the darkness, but another quickly followed and could fight it no more.

 

Groaning, he woke up strung by his arms in a position that had become far too familiar. “Obi-Wan is gonna kill me.”

“Come now, Skywalker, no need to be so melodramatic.” Dooku’s smooth voice came somewhere from behind him.

“Says the master of dramatic flair.” He just can’t keep his mouth.

“It is a common theme in our lineage.” Dooku sounded vaguely amused, much to Anakin’s relief. 

“While we’re on the subject of  lineage, you think you can let your great-grandpadawan go before your grandpadawan decides to murder him?” He gave a cheeky grin, probably pushing Dooku’s amusement too far, but it was what he did best.

“I could protect you from him if you decided to become my apprentice.” Dooku shifted to finally stand in Anakin’s field of vision.

“Your record with apprentices and padawans doesn’t fill me with hope, Dooku.”

Dooku chuckled, stroking his beard as he stared at Anakin, “Yes, well, yours isn’t all that impressive either. All those years just for her to leave you and the Order entirely. At least she had sense to get out before it was too late.”

The mention of Ahsoka leaving had both his head and heart hurting as his thoughts turned toward her. He couldn’t recall their farewell, couldn’t remember what she had said to him or what he had told her. Gritting his teeth, he shook his head, trying to clear his mind and not let Dooku get to him. 

“Did I hit a nerve, young Skywalker?” He shifted back out of Anakin’s field of vision, “You always were too attached for your own good. Always struggling with attachment and letting go, to keep your emotions in check, to be a proper Jedi. As my apprentice, you wouldn’t have to worry about such things.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Dooku.” The pain in his head was only intensifying, whites spots starting to appear in his vision. He had never been attached, he didn’t struggle to let go, he had let go of friends time and time again. His emotions were washed from him by the force time and time again, as he’d been taught during his first year of training. “I am a good Jedi!” Wasn’t he? He followed everything the Council-

Pain completely blinded him, Anakin knew from experience there was nothing he could do except let this episode pass. Distantly, he could hear Dooku saying something but the words weren’t coherent in his head. A copper taste flooded his mouth and he briefly realized he’d bitten through his lip again before taste and thought fled him again. He tried to shunt the pain directly through him and into the Force, but it was hard to do without someone guiding him on the outside. 

Time passed, he wasn’t sure how long, minutes, hours, days? It was impossible for him to tell. He’d passed out at some point he was sure. The cramping and aching of his joints meant he’d had another seizure during this episode. The smell and taste of vomit lingered in his mouth and nose making his desperately wish for the fresher. Pain persisted in his temples, but it no longer overwhelmed all his senses. 

“Good, you’re awake now.” Dooku was sitting directly in front of him in a meditation pose, much like the one Obi-Wan preferred.

Anakin didn’t respond, his throat too dry and sharp from vomiting. Instead, he surveyed the room to see if there was anything that would give him a clue to the time that had passed. The lights were lowered, but whether or not that was from the night cycle or Dooku’s preference he wasn’t sure. They could’ve been this low before and he just didn’t remember.

“Well, considering your lack of panic or blame, this type of thing must happen to you with some regularity. Interesting.” The irritating beard stroking was back, the motion too much like Obi-Wan’s to be a coincidence. “I decided to do some delving around your head while you were incapacitated and found the strangest thing.”

Alarm flooded through him, if Dooku had been successful then the entire Republic could be at risk with the information he held. Battle plans, strategies, fleet locations, technical information on their entire fleet, and so much more that he knew could damn them. He kept the panic off his face and strengthened his mental shields, ignoring the pain it caused. 

“I’m surprised you were able to find anything. Obi-Wan always tells me how disorganized I am.” His voice was hoarse and rasped in his throat, making his desperately wish for a swig of fluid to wet his throat.

“Sadly, I was unable to gather any real information useful to my cause. Master Kenobi is right in that regard, there’s a disgusting lack organization in that head of yours. But I did discover you have a very strong mind block in place.” Dooku waved a hand and a serving droid he hadn’t noticed in the corner brought a container of water to his lips. 

Good sense told him not to drink anything offered by Dooku, but the pain in his throat and the sharp aftertaste of vomit overwhelmed any sense he did have. He drank greedily, the water soothing the worst of his thirst and wetting his throat.

Dooku continued as he drank, “There are very few Jedi who are powerful enough to perform a mind block on another Jedi. Even fewer who are able to create one of that magnitude. I’d suspect the entire Council was involved in the process.” 

Anakin couldn’t deny his own interest was piqued even if he refused to show it. He’d heard of a mind block, seen a few, but it was mostly done as something small or singular, much like a mind trick. Obi-Wan was rather gifted with mind tricks and had performed a few simple mind blocks on civilians when necessary. What Dooku was describing sounded much larger than what he had seen.

“Of course, I have assisted over the years in implementing some stronger mind blocks as part of a group effort when necessary. Usually in conjunction with a Mind Healer.”

“Whatever you think you saw, Dooku, is wrong. There’s no mind block, I’d be able to sense it.” Anakin was getting tired of the superior attitude, wishing he still had the bond with Obi-Wan so he would know if there was a rescue party coming for him. The more Dooku talked, the worse his migraine was getting and he couldn’t afford another episode.

Dooku chuckled, “As powerful as you are, Skywalker, you are far too naive. The reason you can’t sense the mind block is because an aversion has been built into your mind. When you start to think about the blocked memories, your head hurts. The harder you fight it, the worse the pain gets until you have one of those spells you exhibited earlier.”

He almost told Dooku about the psychic backlash he’d suffered that was the cause of all his episodes just to prove him wrong, but he knew he didn’t need to provide him with more ammo against him. Still, the temptation was there. Instead, he kept silent, not wanting to give Dooku the gratification.

“Still, there are ways to override even as strong of a mind block as the one in your head. It’s not… pleasant… but my Master wants to know what the Council doesn’t want you to know.” At another one of Dooku’s gestures, he heard the sound of multiple electrostaffs igniting. “I’ll be back to check on your progress later.” He left the room.

This wasn’t his first experience being tortured with an electrostaff by magna guards, he could endure it until Obi-Wan arrived. Obi-Wan would save him, he always did. The first staff touched his skin and he could no longer think beyond the pain. 

The only reprieve from the torture was Dooku’s limited visits, usually with a med droid in attendance to administer the bare minimum to keep him conscious and alive. Occasionally he was allowed a reprieve as another seizure wracked his body. The remainder of the time was spent in unrelenting agony, the electricity doing its damage to his nervous system the med droid did nothing to correct. 

Sounds of shouting, blaster fire, and the hum of a lightsaber echoed through the halls, filling Anakin with a dull sense of hope. The magna guards had stopped some time ago, but he was only just now aware of anything going on outside his room. He couldn’t find the energy to shout in answer to his name being called, slipping in and out of a stupor with his awareness.

At least the pain had stopped, or had it? He was confused because he could no longer feel his body yet he felt it all at once. His body hurt or tingled, the feelings were hard to decipher as his nerves were far too overstimulated. He couldn’t tell if his eyes were open or if it was simply dark in the room. Maybe he wasn’t even awake. Maybe they’d overloaded his heart for the last time and couldn’t revive him.

A hand brushed over his forehead and everything lit up. The contact was too much, the sheets he could now feel were too much. The noises, the smells, it was all too much. Panic set in when he realized he couldn’t move his limbs. Distantly, he heard someone saying his name, but he couldn’t answer, couldn’t twitch a finger, couldn’t do anything but suffer.

Blackness fell again and he blissfully drifted within his mind and the Force, free of the confines of his body. Memories that were his, but not his, drifted with him. Feelings, emotions, knowledge, it all flowed with him in the nothingness.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on Tumblr at [IcseK](http://IcseK.tumblr.com)


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